So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
