What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's blow job season.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
