Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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