Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
