I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
