Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
