Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
