Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
