Are we in a gay sports bar?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
