Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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