Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
