Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
