Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
