Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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