evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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