Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
