went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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