Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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