Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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