I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
