Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
