good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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