he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
