**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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