i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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