Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
