Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
