My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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