Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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