I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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I just want nice things and good sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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