so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I understand Curling. That high.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
