I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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