Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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