I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
jump out the window naked night went bad
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
