It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
