I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
