I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
