God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
