when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
