Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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