my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
