Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
