Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
