She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
