We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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