She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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