I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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