I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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