We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
