I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
