hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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