he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
