I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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