So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
