Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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