i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
