Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
