I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
