just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
