im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
