its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
