I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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