Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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