I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
