you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
