my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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