seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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