Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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