I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
