So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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