I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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