hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
