garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
